So my song is no longer going on facebook.... I am just gonna throw it out all together. Yeah..... Yesterday I talked with the girl and the feelings are not mutual. That is is pretty much all I will say about that.
On to other things.... I shouldn't even be blogging right now. Why? Because I have physics right now but I am in my dorm room. I literally got to the building, walked up the stairs, got 10 feet from the door, and everything inside me said that I would not be able to make it through class today. I ALWAYS go to physics. Even though that class drags like no other and I always want to leave, I fight through because college is all about going to class even when you don't want to. The one time I didn't go was because I was doing a lab FOR physics! So I see it like I have never skipped this class for real. I am still going to English and my criminal justice class. Today is just not a good day.... Wow!!! Did I just say that? Isn't it Tuesday? But Tuesday's are the best days. Well this isn't good.
I am still happy about small group. I love the people there. I have gotten really close with Evan and Jonathan which makes me really happy. And I always love talking about God. Rob and Kristin do a great job with small group. But Rob won't be there tonight due to being on his HONEYMOON!!!!! Yes, Rob just got married on Saturday. I am so happy for him! He found a girl, he married that girl, and now he is gonna have an amazing life with that girl. I wish them both the best :)
I shall end you with a quote/question. I made this up on the way back to my dorm. "If you take months to build up a house that someone destroys in just one day; was it worth it?" Ponder that......
Apology - Safetysuit
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Hold Your Breath Till It's Over
Again, I am starting this blog with very little to say but I expect to think of things as I go.
So tonight is the All Campus Party. It is pretty much part II to All Campus Worship. I am most likely going to that but I am trying to find someone to go with. As you all know, I am socially awkward so I am trying to make sure that I show up with someone so I am not standing in the corner like a loner. I am sorta excited to finally have something to do on the weekend. It's supposed to be nice tomorrow for FLICKERBALL!!!! But I shall focus on tonight for now....
So I made a song yesterday (or today) at like 1 AM. I didn't finish creating the music, writing the lyrics, or recording me singing it until like 2:45 AM. Ha. It was great!!! It was just a song about my feelings for someone. It will be on facebook soon but I have to make sure that the timing is not wrong. Cause putting it on facebook would mean that the person I am talking about could see it. It's a bit nerve-wracking because I have never openly sang in front of people. I sing in groups where my voice cannot be separated. Ha. Btw, my song is called Chase (You Are the One). Just thought I would throw that out there.
So yeah..... That is all for now. I will hopefully be back with new developments soon..... ;)
B-Money OUT!
We Build Then We Break - The Fray
So tonight is the All Campus Party. It is pretty much part II to All Campus Worship. I am most likely going to that but I am trying to find someone to go with. As you all know, I am socially awkward so I am trying to make sure that I show up with someone so I am not standing in the corner like a loner. I am sorta excited to finally have something to do on the weekend. It's supposed to be nice tomorrow for FLICKERBALL!!!! But I shall focus on tonight for now....
So I made a song yesterday (or today) at like 1 AM. I didn't finish creating the music, writing the lyrics, or recording me singing it until like 2:45 AM. Ha. It was great!!! It was just a song about my feelings for someone. It will be on facebook soon but I have to make sure that the timing is not wrong. Cause putting it on facebook would mean that the person I am talking about could see it. It's a bit nerve-wracking because I have never openly sang in front of people. I sing in groups where my voice cannot be separated. Ha. Btw, my song is called Chase (You Are the One). Just thought I would throw that out there.
So yeah..... That is all for now. I will hopefully be back with new developments soon..... ;)
B-Money OUT!
We Build Then We Break - The Fray
Monday, April 11, 2011
I Would Kill To Be With You Tonight
I haven't had a really long post in a while so I figured I would do just that. But thinking about it, I don't really have many feelings to spill out.
I CAN TALK ABOUT LT!!!! So LT is slowly approaching as the end of the school year approaches along with it. I am so excited for Virginia Beach!!! I can't wait to deepen my faith with God and do the work of a true disciple. I am also looking forward to getting to know everyone that is going. It will be great to establish those friendships and know that I will be right back with them when we get back to school. Support raising is going well. My stress level has decreased. I am just really excited!!!!
What else? I guess I can spill some feelings. So things have been pretty good as of late. Haven't been feeling down. Haven't been angry about missing chances. I feel like little things are starting to click and it's pretty awesome. But there is one that I really wanna do. I shall do that in the next couple of days. Lol. But yeah..... I have been in a good mood because I have been more satisfied with my progress. I say this now, but if you were to ask me tomorrow, I would probably say the complete opposite. It is more of a day to day thing. Again I am sure most of you are confused, but that's okay. Just know that I am doing well and this is where I want to be.
SO HOW ABOUT THE WEATHER!!!???? It has been amazing outside as of late. The only thing that is missing is a late night walk. But no one ever replies to my desired walk statuses on facebook...... I love walks!!! Because I love talks!!! And walk talks are the best talks :) Ha.... So if you ever want to walk and talk, I am the guy to call because I love it!!!!
I guess that is it..... I will probably have more for you all tomorrow..... meaning...... TUESDAY!!!! Tuesdays are awesome. And tomorrow is special because of ALL CAMPUS WORSHIP!!!! I am so pumped! Worship is my thing. It. Just. ROCKS!!!
Have a great night everyone!!! =D
The Glass Parade - Cary Brothers
I CAN TALK ABOUT LT!!!! So LT is slowly approaching as the end of the school year approaches along with it. I am so excited for Virginia Beach!!! I can't wait to deepen my faith with God and do the work of a true disciple. I am also looking forward to getting to know everyone that is going. It will be great to establish those friendships and know that I will be right back with them when we get back to school. Support raising is going well. My stress level has decreased. I am just really excited!!!!
What else? I guess I can spill some feelings. So things have been pretty good as of late. Haven't been feeling down. Haven't been angry about missing chances. I feel like little things are starting to click and it's pretty awesome. But there is one that I really wanna do. I shall do that in the next couple of days. Lol. But yeah..... I have been in a good mood because I have been more satisfied with my progress. I say this now, but if you were to ask me tomorrow, I would probably say the complete opposite. It is more of a day to day thing. Again I am sure most of you are confused, but that's okay. Just know that I am doing well and this is where I want to be.
SO HOW ABOUT THE WEATHER!!!???? It has been amazing outside as of late. The only thing that is missing is a late night walk. But no one ever replies to my desired walk statuses on facebook...... I love walks!!! Because I love talks!!! And walk talks are the best talks :) Ha.... So if you ever want to walk and talk, I am the guy to call because I love it!!!!
I guess that is it..... I will probably have more for you all tomorrow..... meaning...... TUESDAY!!!! Tuesdays are awesome. And tomorrow is special because of ALL CAMPUS WORSHIP!!!! I am so pumped! Worship is my thing. It. Just. ROCKS!!!
Have a great night everyone!!! =D
The Glass Parade - Cary Brothers
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Life is Beautiful
IT IS AMAZING OUTSIDE!!!!
Right now I have this desire to go for a walk but I don't want to go by myself. It's really late but I would love to just do it! The next time it is this nice out I will make sure to go on a walk with someone.
That person could be you! :)
Have a great night everyone!!!
Life is Beautiful - Vega4
Right now I have this desire to go for a walk but I don't want to go by myself. It's really late but I would love to just do it! The next time it is this nice out I will make sure to go on a walk with someone.
That person could be you! :)
Have a great night everyone!!!
Life is Beautiful - Vega4
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Rest in Pieces
Hmmm...... Well tonight was pretty good. Entertainment Night was great and so was Steak 'n Shake, but something was off. My feelings had gone from sad to mad. It is so bad. I am a little upset with God. I don't like feeling so angry with my Father, but I don't understand what is going on. The information that I will give will really shed a little more light on things, but at this point, being "outed" isn't even a big deal.
So why am I mad with God? Well, there were two questions that I kept asking at Steak 'n Shake as well as when we were leaving. "What are you doing God?" and "Why are you doing it?" were the two questions. I keep asking what God is doing because I truly just don't get it. I felt like, YES, God is giving me this opportunity to do something more. Truly show that my feelings are real. But I got blocked. I literally felt like a wall was put up in front of me. I was trying to break it down but there was really nothing I could do.It's like, I am trying my best to do what I can with the time that we have left, but something keeps getting in the way. I keep asking God to help me with this and there are times where He truly does, but other times He will not allow me to make a move. And it's those times when the opportunities are so perfect.
I was also asking WHY God would do this? Like really, He is the only one who knows how much this means to me. He is the only one that truly understands how serious I am and how this affects me each and every day. But He is blocking me. I keep reminding myself that it is His will but sometimes I just can't keep that in my mind. As I write this, my anger is actually dying down. I am beginning to get angry with myself for being angry with God. I just want more. I need more. I know I said that this would shed a light on things, maybe it is, maybe it isn't, but I need all of you to understand that I am not okay. I am trying my hardest to just be content and satisfied, but I can't. Sure, if God tells me to leave it alone I can, but that doesn't mean that I want to. Ugh...... I need to rid myself of this. I want God to literally just push me to the person so I can come right out and say it. There you go. That gives you even more information on what I am talking about. Which brings me to another thing. If said person were to read this, it could hurt me in the end. But I guess God will do what is meant to be done.
So I impatiently wait for the day to come when I can do just that..... But until that day comes, know that I am hurting inside. I am not trying to have you all feel bad, I am just telling it how it is.
Gnite everyone
Rest in Pieces - Saliva
So why am I mad with God? Well, there were two questions that I kept asking at Steak 'n Shake as well as when we were leaving. "What are you doing God?" and "Why are you doing it?" were the two questions. I keep asking what God is doing because I truly just don't get it. I felt like, YES, God is giving me this opportunity to do something more. Truly show that my feelings are real. But I got blocked. I literally felt like a wall was put up in front of me. I was trying to break it down but there was really nothing I could do.It's like, I am trying my best to do what I can with the time that we have left, but something keeps getting in the way. I keep asking God to help me with this and there are times where He truly does, but other times He will not allow me to make a move. And it's those times when the opportunities are so perfect.
I was also asking WHY God would do this? Like really, He is the only one who knows how much this means to me. He is the only one that truly understands how serious I am and how this affects me each and every day. But He is blocking me. I keep reminding myself that it is His will but sometimes I just can't keep that in my mind. As I write this, my anger is actually dying down. I am beginning to get angry with myself for being angry with God. I just want more. I need more. I know I said that this would shed a light on things, maybe it is, maybe it isn't, but I need all of you to understand that I am not okay. I am trying my hardest to just be content and satisfied, but I can't. Sure, if God tells me to leave it alone I can, but that doesn't mean that I want to. Ugh...... I need to rid myself of this. I want God to literally just push me to the person so I can come right out and say it. There you go. That gives you even more information on what I am talking about. Which brings me to another thing. If said person were to read this, it could hurt me in the end. But I guess God will do what is meant to be done.
So I impatiently wait for the day to come when I can do just that..... But until that day comes, know that I am hurting inside. I am not trying to have you all feel bad, I am just telling it how it is.
Gnite everyone
Rest in Pieces - Saliva
Saturday, April 2, 2011
If You Want, I Want Too
Right now it is 12:10 AM. I have had a pretty productive day. In terms of God time and homework. I am pleased with those two things, but I still was extra bored for most of the day. This is why I hate weekends. The weekend is the time when I don't do anything. Unlike the week when I am SOOOOO busy with class, workingout, work, and Cornerstone. So I look forward to going to class and getting the week started. The only upside to the weekends, AND I MEAN ONLY, is the sleep I get. Other than that, the weekends aren't what they used to be. High School weekends were definitely better.
Now on to more stuff...... I have this overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. Say there is this person, and said person is so close with all of these people. But I am not close with this person. So every time I see (oh what the heck) her, I always think about how I am not that close with her. But there are so many people that are exactly where I want to be. Friendships rock. But the time that it takes to build a good friendship doesn't when you are in such a rush to make yourself important in their eyes. And that is why I feel so hopeless... I truly feel like I will never be able to get there, especially with the slowness of my progress now.
That is pretty much all I got for now..... I am exhausted and in a mood where I could definitely talk about all of my feelings that I can't let out yet, but that would be yet another repetition of like 3 other posts. So.......
I'm out!!!
Lifeline - Angels and Airwaves
Now on to more stuff...... I have this overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. Say there is this person, and said person is so close with all of these people. But I am not close with this person. So every time I see (oh what the heck) her, I always think about how I am not that close with her. But there are so many people that are exactly where I want to be. Friendships rock. But the time that it takes to build a good friendship doesn't when you are in such a rush to make yourself important in their eyes. And that is why I feel so hopeless... I truly feel like I will never be able to get there, especially with the slowness of my progress now.
That is pretty much all I got for now..... I am exhausted and in a mood where I could definitely talk about all of my feelings that I can't let out yet, but that would be yet another repetition of like 3 other posts. So.......
I'm out!!!
Lifeline - Angels and Airwaves
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Like Sunlight Burning At Midnight
Best weekend ever??? Yes!!!! Even Sunday rocked my socks. Friday was a good day. Got to hang out with my brodys!!! Even my roommate hung out which was awesome because we don't truly hang out all that much. So that was a wonderful time. Now Saturday..... Saturday was FANTASTIC! I went to Winter Jam with Evan, Andrew, Harold (Harry), and Jonathan. Winter Jam is a tour for like ten different Christian bands. The Newsboys PUT ON A SHOW. It was sooooooo great. Just being in a room with so many people that love the Lord blew me away. OMG just so great. We didn't get back till like 12:30 AM since it was at UofI. On the way home, Revelation Song came on and we all sang along. It was so moving. Driving back to ISU with these amazing guys just praising the Lord with our voices. Again, FAN-TAS-TIC!!!
Then Sunday came..... A day that I usually dread because there is nothing to do. But that is not true. I have been so blinded by my own idea when I never saw God's. But first, I went to lunch with Kristin and KK. Then Jonathan came out of nowhere with food and joined us. Then Evan came out of nowhere and joined us as well. Soon enough, we were up in Kristin's room talking about anything and everything. I didn't do much talking because I was exhausted but I chimed in at times. I love listening to others speak though. After a lot of talking and the departure of Kristin, we left KK to do her homework. And for the first time I knew exactly what I was gonna do this Sunday. And I was excited..... wait for it..... wait for it...... BIBLE READING!!!! I had fallen behind and had catching up to do. So I sat in my bed, opened to where I was in John, and read. It was an amazing time. I have never been so happy and joyful about bible reading. God is definitely molding me into the man that I was meant to be.
So enough of the play by play........ I have been very on and off with my feelings. But more about the outcome of a certain situation. At times I feel like there is a chance and that is what I must focus on. But there are other times when everything that I hear makes me believe that there is no chance whatsoever. I want a clear cut answer. IS THERE A CHANCE!?!?!?! Because if there is, this guy right here is extra happy. If there isn't, well that sure does suck. And this guy right here will not be happy. And if that does happen, I have to remember that it's God's will and not mine. I have a hard problem with that. There are many times when God is like "Brandon, you are not meant to do this right now" or "Brandon, I hold your future in my hands so will you stop resisting what I have in store for you?" I literally hear God saying these things to me all of the time but I just can't accept it sometimes. I gotta work on that.....
Anything else on my mind.... I am drinking an energy drink right now so I am hyper/excited/ready/crazy. I'm writing this post then I'm gonna study/do homework/work!!!! For all of you who read these posts, I love feedback. So feel free to comment whenever. Thank you Adelina for your comment. And Kristin, thanks for caring about my life.
GNITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D
Francesca Battistelli - Beautiful, Beautiful
Then Sunday came..... A day that I usually dread because there is nothing to do. But that is not true. I have been so blinded by my own idea when I never saw God's. But first, I went to lunch with Kristin and KK. Then Jonathan came out of nowhere with food and joined us. Then Evan came out of nowhere and joined us as well. Soon enough, we were up in Kristin's room talking about anything and everything. I didn't do much talking because I was exhausted but I chimed in at times. I love listening to others speak though. After a lot of talking and the departure of Kristin, we left KK to do her homework. And for the first time I knew exactly what I was gonna do this Sunday. And I was excited..... wait for it..... wait for it...... BIBLE READING!!!! I had fallen behind and had catching up to do. So I sat in my bed, opened to where I was in John, and read. It was an amazing time. I have never been so happy and joyful about bible reading. God is definitely molding me into the man that I was meant to be.
So enough of the play by play........ I have been very on and off with my feelings. But more about the outcome of a certain situation. At times I feel like there is a chance and that is what I must focus on. But there are other times when everything that I hear makes me believe that there is no chance whatsoever. I want a clear cut answer. IS THERE A CHANCE!?!?!?! Because if there is, this guy right here is extra happy. If there isn't, well that sure does suck. And this guy right here will not be happy. And if that does happen, I have to remember that it's God's will and not mine. I have a hard problem with that. There are many times when God is like "Brandon, you are not meant to do this right now" or "Brandon, I hold your future in my hands so will you stop resisting what I have in store for you?" I literally hear God saying these things to me all of the time but I just can't accept it sometimes. I gotta work on that.....
Anything else on my mind.... I am drinking an energy drink right now so I am hyper/excited/ready/crazy. I'm writing this post then I'm gonna study/do homework/work!!!! For all of you who read these posts, I love feedback. So feel free to comment whenever. Thank you Adelina for your comment. And Kristin, thanks for caring about my life.
GNITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D
Francesca Battistelli - Beautiful, Beautiful
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